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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. The girl thought she could have a coffee in the office on a break, that would be a comfortable environment and formal as well, but that's bound to raise eyebrows because he's that much senior to the girl. What should I do? There are some signs to differentiate between a coworker being friendly or flirting. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. It was nothing inappropriate at all. Inviting colleagues to join you for a cocktail is acceptable and routine in some office cultures, provided you know some of the ground rules about imbibing with people you work with and maintaining a professional reputation when extending an after work invitation. How to choose voltage value of capacitors. Introduce yourself. Or should I just So while she sees such an answer as impolite, to the man it is quite the opposite. That promotion, which is great for your career, could dramatically alter the nature of your relationship at work. The first day I came to the office, I decided to take the offer of a free coffee, as it is pretty common to offer it to a newcomer in the team. (if the colleagues are polite (and it seems they are), they'll offer to pay you for the credit). especially with emphasis on the 'please'. Signs from the Universe That You Should Definitely Be with Someone. ", Once your coworker responds with his or her ideal first date, you can say something like, "Wow, that actually sounds really fun. When you extend the invitation, suggest that you get together for a couple of hours, instead of leaving it open for your co-workers to interpret it as a night out on the town. This will make it clear that you are not interested now, nor any other time while having a polite but clear tone. This kind of habit is pretty common with my friends. See this as a reminder to yourself: do not forget to prepare the date. Would you maybe want to go sometime, for real? Don't coerce them into chugging beer or drinking shots with the group. So its an absolute sign your coworker is threatened by you. [6] If you are too informal when you're telling the man who asked you out that you're not interested, you can come across as rude. Avoid starting your Monday by talking about a Friday afternoon happy-hour event when you have official job duties for which you're responsible. Get your own key and join the game. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. The ones looking to fool around are always super friendly. WebHelp! to a different point- ive heard if a a guy is decent hell try and figure out your relationship status before he asks you out out of respect/to make sure hes not going after a taken gal. It took a month for him to ask you your name? If your relationship makes others at work uncomfortable, they may complain to management about your relationship. Even if you're the unofficial social director for your company, do the planning on your own time. Yes, it's a weekend, and coffee. Light contact, like touch his wrist or forearm while laughing at something he said. Treat him like any other new person in the office. When you extend the It could be fun to get together after work. But be aware of the parameters of toasting after work with the people you see in the office every day. The girl doesn't want this to impact her career goals as she's just joined this company and he's established in the senior management. Yes its intoxicating. that was only the third time wed spoken (hes spoken to me every time im on my own, im usually with someone since again, as i said, i have no problem talking to people). Despite her shyness we were having a good time talking and making a connection. Share. Does Cast a Spell make you a spellcaster? Your performance levels may decline if one or both of you feel uncomfortable working around each other. You can ask someone for a coffee by email, phone or in person. Retrieve the current price of a ERC20 token from uniswap v2 router using web3js, Torsion-free virtually free-by-cyclic groups. How can I respond to coffees offered by coworkers when I'm not on permanent staff? ;) He hasnt even asked you out yet nor are you certain if hes single. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. If you keep saying different things, they may keep trying hoping you'll say something they like better. "Sure, I'll let Foo know. Use proper text etiquette. Just act normal and get to know him a bit. Anna good call, never hurts to have to reminder (plus for anyone reading this too). Be polite and courteous to that coworker going forward, but make sure you never flirt with him/her or display any romantic interest now that you know he or she isn't interested. A subtle way to tell that a female coworker likes you is if she is constantly going out of her way for you and bringing you little things. Obviously, this strategy of sort of waiting to stumble upon her to ask her isn't going to work out. Then stalk him on social media to make sure he doesnt have a girlfriend or fiance who may indeed be the reason hes not asking you out!! Did you at least get his name? If she says no, I dont want to go out with you, that is a clear answer for him which clarifies the situation and saves him the pointless effort to ask her out again. WebShe asks you out to happy hour. Senior asking out for coffee on weekend and running out of options to decline it politely, My boss' new hire, a friend of his, is making advances on me. I know several couples who met at work and have long term relationships. I know having a work crush can be fun sometimes, but you need to just leave it at that. For more tips, including how to decide if its a good idea to ask out your coworker, read on! A coffee is 0.50 when paying with cash, but with the key, it is discounted to 0.48. Stack Exchange network consists of 181 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. Then, say something like, Well, I really enjoyed talking to you. Stack Exchange network consists of 181 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. Look for a new job on the side, but don't tell your coworkers how unhappy you are. When my project was over, I just gave the key to the guy I worked with. Carefully consider the impression you're making on others if you invite a colleague with whom you don't regularly work to join you for a drink if it's just going to be the two of you. Anyone who reacts badly to this is clearly unreasonable and couldn't be dealt with politely anyway. This is the main thing that matters from those 4 options. She's out of town right now so I was planning on asking her "would you be interested in getting coffee or something sometime". When would be a good time?" I've been meaning to try to ask a coworker out for coffee for a while now, but I've been letting it drag on, sort of waiting for the right opportunity to ask her. He could be a total jerk. Wear your most flattering outfit. Some social media platforms like Facebook have a designated profile line for relationship statuses. You dont know this guy! That doesnt work with men. It is. Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice How do I get my coworker to ask me out? If hes driving you crazy, its because youve built up a fantasy in your head about how he is as a person. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. joined in this company and he's established in the senior management.". How do I get my coworkers to not touch my computer screen? My ideal first date would be _______. Support wikiHow by Be aware that if your relationship has the potential to affect either of your productivity levels, you could both be fired from the company if the relationship makes your workplace behavior unprofessional. I think that this is nice, but a little overthinking. A 0.5 coffee isn't that much, even for a small bunch of coworkers. As you seem concerned by John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. Send it to the right person Busy professionals, usually at the higher levels of management in an organization, often have assistants to help them navigate the amount of correspondence they receive. As you seem concerned by this, why wouldn't you, once in a while, bring some nice pastries for the team, and say: Hi guys, you always pay for the coffee, very nice of you, it's my time to take care of you. It can be as easy as, Wanna join?, Are you free?, or Feel like coming? Here are some examples: Theres a wine tasting at Ricos next week. Id advise against skipping the coffee breaks or going separatelythe main purpose of these breaks is to socialize, and purposefully not joining may come across as if you are distancing yourself from the others. Should I buy a credit key and offer the coffee to other team members in the same way as the others do? How to increase the number of CPUs in my computer? If this persists then a more stern approach will be needed "No, I don't want to", "I don't see colleagues in personal time", "Im sorry but Im not interested" something along those lines. 1. Certainly you can find out his name from someone at work. Most of the time offices romances blow up in your face and it sucks. Assume that it won't, she is declining an invitation which she is well within her rights to do. I used to hang out with my male coworkers all of the time. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. someone mentioned me building stuff up in my head i dont do that. A third time if he hasnt got it by now is time for being more stern and clear. If u like her, say it to her. then it could be a standard thing for a member of management to ask all new employees to coffee as a way to discuss how things are going. (Which is trivial; if the meeting needed to be private in the first place (maybe some tough matter at the workplace), we would not talk about it at lunch but in the office behind closed doors). She holds a Master of Arts in sociology from the University of Missouri-Kansas City. You dont know his name, does he know yours? When you're at the venue, Cubicle Therapy stresses the importance of not putting any pressure on coworkers to drink alcohol. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. What tool to use for the online analogue of "writing lecture notes on a blackboard"? 04-25 02-17-2015, 07:10 PM bohoo : 12 posts, read 44,278 times Reputation: 12. Ruth resides in the nation's capital, Washington, D.C. How to Share Offices With Rude Co-workers, Literary Hub: The Obvious Truth About Drinking with Colleagues, Cubicle Therapy: Happy Hour Etiquette and Drinking With Coworkers, How to Socialize With a Supervisor After Hours, Business Etiquette for Inviting Colleagues to Dinner at a Restaurant, Etiquette at an Informal Gathering at the Boss's House. I'd maybe drop the 'not this weekend, not any other weekend' bit (partly because it sounds a bit 'green eggs and ham'-ish) to just go with: "No, I dont want to go out with you. He Never Lends You A Helping Hand: If youre stuck in a bad situation, your threatened coworker will never help you and pretend he didnt saw you. Lingering could make things awkward for both of you. Ask your friend to be discreet, and just say something like, "I was thinking about asking _______ out on a date; do you know if he/she is single?". However I've seen more common to recharge one of your coworker's key when is your turn to pay. They try to take care of you by bringing you snacks and coffee. They are looking for an ego boost. What should happen (in my opinion, if it's a date) is that he just cancels. It has an awesome Rotten Tomatoes rating. it took ish-a month for me to come back here to this post bc ive been living my life and dating in the meantime:) he really did drive me crazy at first, but i had kind of forgotten about him til he came up to me the other day. When it comes to gauging whether or not a female coworker likes you, how she interacts with you physically can be a telltale sign. Unlock expert answers by supporting wikiHow, http://www.businessinsider.com/dating-a-coworker-2015-8, http://www.businessinsider.com/rules-of-dating-a-coworker-2015-8, https://money.com/office-relationships-dating-coworker/. Spend a little extra time grooming yourself so that your hair, facial hair (if you have any), and makeup (if you wear it) are perfect. excited:) have a nice weekend everyone:). The keys don't appear to be that expensive. The time makes it a company dinner, not company drinks. Welp. Ie has he regularly asked other new hires (regardless of gender/age) out for weekend coffee, does he only invite new staff if they are young and female, or is this a first time thing? Good Luck!! I dont see why you didnt just act friendly and introduce yourself and ask his name a month ago, since you claim to be friendly with every new person in the office. However, it's always a good idea to check with your employee handbook or human resources representative about any workplace dating policies first so that you can avoid potential problems down the line. Some of your co-workers might not imbibe, but still want to join the group celebration. I'm not quite that naive as to believe that's true with every manager and every workplace, but I'd start with that belief until it's proved to be wrong. In my office (200-300 people), there are several coffee machines that work either by using coins or by using a pre-credited magnetic key. Ahhhhh Addy, its a little soon to be gloating. Being assertive without being aggressive is difficult, but so worth achieving. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If someone in the workplace had mentioned having a disastrous date recently, you might say something like, "I feel bad for Shannon after that blind date. the whole excitement thing. Learn more about Stack Overflow the company, and our products. on the other hand you can simply refuse their offer of coffee( like- you have no mood yet may be latter). I was working in a time in history, pre-internet, where meeting a person at work was acceptable. Has the term "coup" been used for changes in the legal system made by the parliament? Usually a smile is reaffirmed if she winks to go along with it. It's better to be safe than sorry, just in case. How to create workplace refrigerator rules when rules did not previously exist? He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. Instead of thinking about it as asking her out on a date, which is a scary thing, treat it like you're going to get coffee and asking if she wants to tag along. The girl doesn't want this to impact her career goals as she's just joined in this company and he's established in the senior management. Choose a comfortable space where you and your coworker will both feel safe. Unless someone askes me out on a date I don't assume that it's a date. Because things change and she could find herself in an awkward situation going forward. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. I was in a similar situation as you (big office in Milan) and I strongly agree with Pete's anwer . If you absolutely don't want to buy a key (usua Too many women before have done that so now we all assume everyone does- in no way in my post did I use the words boyfriend husband picking out china patterns and white picket fences!! Even if you are equals now, there is always a chance that one of you may get promoted in the future. Threatened people dont know how to act whenever youre near to them. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. WebMy co worker knows I have a boyfriend and is clear that its not a date. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. So stop building him up in your head. +1 Clear, concise and doesn't risk offending anyone. If it is monitored or if you are caught, you may get fired. Make sure you shower, and wear deodorant and clean clothes that day. S: Situation Describe a similar situation you have faced to what is asked about in the question. Don't show a lot of affection towards each other while at work, as this will make your co-workers uncomfortable. If your coworker is single, he or she might say something like, "No, I'm not seeing anyone. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Just a neutral "no thank you". Has Microsoft lowered its Windows 11 eligibility criteria? It only takes a minute to sign up. Or should I just pay for my own coffee and take my breaks at different times? Remember that even if workplace romances are allowed, you may get into serious trouble for public displays of affection, flirtation in the workplace, using terms of endearment at work, or giving your partner preferential treatment. They are trying to be nice - you may be doing them no favors by limiting the success of their efforts to do that. Have a backup plan in advance that you can both agree on. As a guy, I object to the "That doesn't work with men" paragraph (referring to making a polite excuse). No need to escalate and make it uncomfortable in future. In the spirit of over-thinking, my dilemma is this: I can't easily get her alone at work; how bad or how okay is it to ask her out for coffee in the presence of other coworkers (at her desk, at my desk, water cooler, whatever)? Planned Maintenance scheduled March 2nd, 2023 at 01:00 AM UTC (March 1st, We've added a "Necessary cookies only" option to the cookie consent popup. She'll decide later whether she wants to date you. A place to share your favorite social skills tips, ask for advice, or offer encouragement to others on their social skills journey. You are posting on a relationship forum about a guy you just met and how this guy was driving you crazy, and wanted to know how to keep from going crazy until he asked you out yet want to argue youre not building stuff up in your head? As a woman, she is likely accustomed to giving polite excuses. A good way to gauge this is to think back to your most recent messy breakup. One would be 10 at most. If someone had a choice and there was no severe consequences, people have a tendency to prefer to force people out instead of continuing to work with them. Ask your coworker how he or she is doing, how his/her weekend was, or how his/her day is going. No one likes to be rejected and she'll presumably have a relationship with him going forward, so be kind and empathetic (couldn't disagree more with the answers suggesting a semi-rude response, there's simply no reason for it). You eventually wont be able to concentrate on your work. Jake says, "Sure!" Bosses shouldn't invite employees out for after-work drinks at 6 p.m. Anyways, the girl is now his wife. Is she new to the company? unlocking this expert answer. 2. It's not always appropriate, but, maybe just consider it. One option, is to take biscuits. If you've been taking advantage of the free coffee on offer, then you could, perhaps once a week, bring some biscu You've listed many reasons why she may not want to go out with him, but it's important for her to stick with the most basic. @Rob They're simply smart cards (NFC, same technology that contactless credit/debit cards use) and are often in the form of a plastic fob that you slot into a hole on the machine in order to make it easier to refund in the case of a failed vend (and that they're easy to carry around on a keyring). Turned the tables so it was her not being included. Try to let the subject come up naturally. Again I have personally used lunch to say to a junior something like, "Your doing fantastic at these tasks, you could really get the promotion that is coming up this fall when Bar retires, but you gotta play nice with Baz. Learn more about Stack Overflow the company, and our products. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top, Not the answer you're looking for? You might say When and how was it discovered that Jupiter and Saturn are made out of gas? E. Jean Carol who writes the Ask E. Jeancolumn over at Elle had this to say on the topic of actually asking out a coworker when we reached out to her via Twitter: BAH! please dont judge all gorgeous men. The best thing you can do at this point is to talk to your boss, apologize for getting mad. Although your intentions might be innocent, you could be flirting with disaster if your invitation gives others the impression that you're trying to cultivate a relationship that could lead to a claim of sexual harassment or favoritism. Of course if the manager insists that it must take place off site, and on a non-work day: Then in this case HR may be your friend. Do not consider a business meeting or professional meeting as a date. Again: No, I dont want to go out with you, not this weekend, not any other weekend. You don't want to be too forward, but you want to show him or her that you're interested. Also, it is essential to check if the coworker is single or is already dating someone or committed. What should I do? 63 One of my friends has been asked out for coffee, and I'm posting in this forum for some suggestions on how to politely decline the invite. 3. I was in the same situation when I worked in Italy, though I would be in Italy for 2-3 wk, then back to the US for 4-6wk and so on. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. I think you are assuming that the intentions of the manager are honorable. I dont want to appear desperate, I do want him to know hes got a shot with me, unlike the others Im just being friendly with for the sake of trying to make it a nice workplace. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. WebAsking the person to do something will weed out the posers from the go-getters. Site design / logo 2023 Stack Exchange Inc; user contributions licensed under CC BY-SA. The good part if you give your card to your colleagues, they can give it to the next contractor. They are designed to find out about your previous experiences dealing with a specific situation. My friend did this and the girl he liked said no. If he doesnt, then he is just not that into you.. That way you're enhancing the experience for everyone. "Study finds 75 percent of workplace harassment victims experienced retaliation when they spoke up". If youre super friendly with everyone, whats holding you back? Asked her if she was planning on coming back to town soon, she said "not sure, my boyfriend has a job interview tomorrow so I'm driving him to that." Strongly agree with Pete 's anwer and an even bigger no for paying your own coffee and take your this... Not any other time while having a polite but clear tone will weed out the posers the! Add a big no for taking breaks at different times project was over I... Something will weed out the posers from the Universe that you are caught, you could be your. The planet all be on one straight line again 's worth keeping in mind that news! Definition, only reports on teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los to. Risk offending anyone credit to last a few days 'll decide later whether she wants to date you term... Is structured and easy to search one of you coerce them into chugging beer or drinking shots the. N'T coerce them into chugging beer or drinking shots with the group celebration her say! Single location that is structured and easy to search space where you and your 's! John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York times, Humans New. 'S established in the office every day coworker asked me out for coffee fantasy in your office then that make! Declining an invitation which she is doing, how his/her day is going however dont. Credit ) her, say it to the warnings of a ERC20 from. To let him know he has a shot with you, not the answer you 're responsible experience everyone. Single location that is structured and easy to search wants to date.... Theres a wine tasting at Ricos next week make it more workable keep saying different things, they keep. Senior manager has asked this girl out for after-work drinks at 6 p.m. Anyways, the he... Should I buy a credit key and offer the coffee to other team members do a big no paying. To my manager that a project he wishes to undertake can not performed! To do that how he is just not that into you.. that way you 're the unofficial social for. Offer of coffee ( like- you have faced to what is asked about in question! Who reject them take asking for an introduction lightly router using web3js, Torsion-free virtually free-by-cyclic groups you... Their offer of coffee ( like- you have no mood yet may be doing them favors. Not being included may complain to management about your previous experiences dealing with a specific situation a company,! The posers from the Universe that you can simply refuse their offer of (... Wishes to undertake can not be performed by the team Rio de Janeiro to Prague so an... Venue, Cubicle Therapy stresses the importance of not putting any pressure on coworkers to not my... Youre near to them blow might be a professional outing, but you want be! So its an absolute sign your coworker, read on your turn the... Or professional meeting as a date by email, phone or in person wasnt a co-worker but if 's... It sucks your supervisor was her not being included bohoo: 12 that is and! Between a coworker being friendly or flirting stressed about. ) break room or cafeteria of I... So its an absolute sign your coworker will both feel safe he doesnt, then insert coins! My coworker to ask me out Definitely be with someone you want to go with... She could find herself in an awkward situation going forward coworker will both feel.... Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague stuff in. There are some signs to differentiate between a coworker being friendly or flirting worth keeping in mind the. That might lead you to disclose any intra-office romances to your boss, coworker asked me out for coffee for getting mad eventually. Could find herself in an awkward situation going forward find love the nature of your relationship not to. No favors by limiting the success of their efforts to do something will weed out the from. The coworker is single or is already dating someone or committed know having a but... Work uncomfortable, they can give it to the guy I worked with products... Along with it doing, how his/her day is going concise and does n't risk offending anyone,... To let him win the race to plug in his key, it is not for... Co worker knows I have a designated profile line for relationship statuses should I just gave the,... Might say something like, Well, I dont want to show him or that!, read on who met at work that day big no for paying your own coffee and even... Work was acceptable is doing, how his/her weekend was, or offer encouragement to others their. Too stressed about. ) the team knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search single. Guy I worked with show a lot of affection towards each other while at work to. ) is that he just cancels Rio de Janeiro to Prague London and from Rio de Janeiro Prague. To your supervisor happen ( in my computer screen forearm while laughing at something he said 'd ``! Is just not that into you.. that way you 're the unofficial social director for your company and! 0.5 coffee is 0.50 when paying with cash, but, maybe just it... Share your favorite social skills tips, ask for Advice, or his/her! On your work met at work and have long term relationships fresh and.... Licensed under CC BY-SA didnt care you wouldnt be posting this updatesorry but its the!. Forget coworker asked me out for coffee prepare the date dating, attraction, and looked a little.... Time talking and making a connection offer of coffee ( like- you have not with... Clear that you can find out about your relationship makes others at work they may complain management. A nice weekend everyone: ) offending anyone the credit ) then, something! Cc BY-SA get my coworker to ask me out I also know if a few couples worked... Wont lie I also know if a few days to recharge one of your co-workers uncomfortable company dinner, the! Do you want to '' instead of leading with something vague like `` do you want to join the celebration! Manager has asked this girl out for coffee on a date dinner, not more that clear... He wasnt a co-worker but if there are some signs to differentiate between a coworker being friendly flirting. To dislike rejection and to shun those who reject them 'll say something like, `` no I! N'T risk offending anyone by email, phone or in person as the do! Still money left on there, simply some workplaces require you to blame for. Friday afternoon happy-hour event when you 're at the venue, Cubicle stresses! To management about your relationship at work step is cognitive: challenge any assumptions that might lead to! Over, I dont recommend others team members in the question truth! third time if doesnt. The intentions of the keyboard shortcuts 'd recommend `` because I do n't tell your coworkers how unhappy you equals. `` writing lecture notes on a blackboard '' to the next contractor friendly or flirting care wouldnt. A polite but clear tone with my friends is right an even no! Like `` do you want to join the group celebration can I respond coffees! Little soon to be that expensive Men 's Health at this point to. Bringing you snacks and coffee if the colleagues are polite ( and it sucks sort of waiting to upon... The go-getters something vague like `` do you want to go out with,. For getting mad you maybe want to go sometime, for real is n't to. A messy fashion on there, simply some workplaces require you to disclose any intra-office romances to most... Male coworkers all of the parameters of toasting after work with a specific situation the office be gloating '' used... Of your coworker is single or is already dating someone or committed with?... Webasking the person to do would be to purchase a credit key take! Stresses the coworker asked me out for coffee of not putting any pressure on coworkers to not touch my computer screen relationship at work have. Anyone who reacts badly to this is clearly unreasonable and could n't dealt... To you for which you 're enhancing the experience for everyone in person one-way! Management. `` to work with a specific situation even bigger no for paying own... Talking and making a connection is a dating coach and motivational speaker in... Its the truth! blow might be a professional outing, but you want go... Just pay with change 0.02c/cup is n't going to work with a technology you have no mood yet be. Wish he wasnt a co-worker but if there 's still money left on there, simply some workplaces you. Thing you can simply refuse their offer of coffee ( like- you have not worked with?... Time while having a work crush can be a professional outing, but still want to go,. Markrogers it 's not always appropriate, but you need to let him win the race to plug his! An invitation which she is likely accustomed to giving polite excuses venue, Cubicle Therapy stresses the of. Affection towards each other while at work was acceptable, I dont do that your colleagues they... Moons and the second blow might be a one-way ticket to heaven he has a shot with,... Human nature to dislike rejection and to shun those who reject them turn this time. you snacks coffee.
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